as far as possible

i am trying to live. Yes, i used word 'try' for living. As if i don't know that I've arrived to a distant place from sanity. Deeper into the world where senses cease to work, and here, i endeavor to live..i endeavor to 'perceive' because i can't 'see'. Within my boundary, which hardly exists, i am rule-less or anarchic. I tried sketching, writing in Hindi, and totally failed at it, getting into the things that others do way better than me doesn't stop me from doing it..what stops me is fear of failure. Fuck failure! Damn hardships! Keeping silence to the outside world couldn't stop the chaos within, having problems with mum kinda seize everything in my 'social' world. I don't mind being misunderstood, but with mum i need to explain. I hate it. OK! STOP BEING SOMEONE ELSE. STOP THINKING. Aaarrrrrrggghhhhhhhhh!! SCREEEEEEEEEECH !!!!

*ende*   

Being

I always speak, write, listen or think from my heart (the only working part of me)..i try not to think too much. Following my heart and consulting every pros and cons to it...places it in a stronger position than my mind. I later realize, mind is only a small part of it. In some previous post i mentioned about the conflict that was dead in me, revolt was shut and none won. Now, something has really grown inside me and that's called a 'myself'. In-fact, not only the 'self', it touches every being, breathe and tale..encircles everything, part of this world which I've seen through my eyes and which I've seen through my imagination. I know to heal and i guess that's what i'm meant to do, since when i was born, i always felt I've seen everything honestly and spoke inside truly, eventually that makes you who you are. The better i write, louder is the applaud and smoother is the growth...but this doesn't compel me to write what others want to read..and that's the best part of it..but..only when you know what your heart says. The day heart stops speaking to you, you really need to get out of the web, where you got yourself stuck in.

*ende*