I have Empathy for Women

I just try to be right, fit myself into my thoughts.

This, may not fit as an article, but is intended to change the view of the cults who are not still able to realize the drastic transformation that women in India undergo during her forced-sacrificing teenage to the unfortunately miserable adulthood. And yes! I have a reason to every sentence that provoked a question in your wandering minds. Women, from the times of Muslim rules in India do not enjoy much equality and stature in the social setup, neither they are considered important enough to impart adequate education. They are still secondary to the primary position for men, nothing has changed much, even the minds of the Hindus were totally manipulated, they actually feared for their women's safety rather than curbing their rights to step out of the four walls.   

 And now, like chaff, they are grounded between depressing social norms and excessive imitation of Western culture. Why western culture is a cause? There is a huge difference between Indian thoughts and Western living style. Tradition of a country entirely relies on its climate, ancestral living patterns, religions and virtues. Western culture thrives on freedom and personal space or individuality, on the other hand, India is all about family's personal bonds and responsibilities for each other. Although, birth of a girl is no more a liability, thanks to responsible change makers of our society, threat is now more on their character and up-bringing. The Indian norms are not amended, they are more confusing now. Parents get them educated from the best of the schools possible, tell them to stand on their own feet, guide them right but fail to fight the fact that India is still India. She takes a step ahead and you drag her back for your society is full narrow-minds.

You can not provide much freedom to your princess for her career, again they fear for future safety. Women remain the chaff. Her identity is still dependent on her father or husband, none of hers own.

Property rights, 33% reservation in legislature, and much more about women empowerment, but is confined to a fewer minds. She fights for her own identity, unfair it is. Why i probe to her identity? Because I have empathy for women, because I am a woman and a responsible one.

Change is needed and 'WE' are the change.    

Fuck Fear And Break Free

Today i read all of my earlier posts, and realized that i really was hopeful about life, my days were full of sun shine and bright blooming colorful smiling heart, its not that i want to say my life is hopeless..but now i understand what hopelessness means. I've experienced too much before i could step out. In the morning, when i open my eye lids i see the sun shine, but i also know that i have to rise with it, i know that i have to find hope in the most dark places, i know i should prove something. Head feels heavy in utter light of the sun, night was dark enough, end of the tunnel just begun (Jeez!! i talk in poetry). I managed to learn something somehow, and why wouldn't I..darkness teaches you to live lively in light, it absorbs fear of it. I am glad about what i become now, the learner. I tell myself everyday that i do not fear, and see i don't.


*ende*

WRITING OBSESSED

Writing has become a need now, the day we were bidding goodbye to my almost favorite professor on the earth..i was thinking and thinking a lot. As usual, i couldn't speak and i didn't speak. I wrote, no..not what i felt inside but a farewell message and see, i was okay by the end. I am so vulnerable without writing and there are chances i would die. If there is a place in between happiness and sadness, i am struck here and i don't need any help, its a path to my gumption. My writs are of no help to anyone, they are just me laying in words. I am no human.

*ende*

A little bit of evaluation

Whenever I'm about to write here, i have a thought borne in my head from more than a month but as soon as i pick up my keyboard..i miss out everything that influenced me or not influenced me ever since. I usually stumble upon the present thought, which right now is quite vulnerable and unadulterated. I just heard something really nice about myself and from someone i really value in my life, i never knew i was this important and was good enough to be praised. Literally, i never want to be in the "mainstream", a socialite or center of something important, i always want to be 'me' and i shall not explain what i was praised about. I was googling my inspiration to write again, write anything again but i found nothing. Everything is going damn awesome in my life, yet i miss everything. Sometimes i feel I'm in a no-man's-land and nobody, i quote 'nobody' can understand what am i gonna tell them, bloody i still wanna tell.

ende

Serendipity

when YOU maundered before me
and guise was enfeebled
YOU endured my ignorance
and always thought 'she will'

YOU smiled at my obliviousness
and loved me unconditionally
my presence enchanted YOU
that my absence never did

YOU were here all the time
I was so obviously blind
but this aint the truth
YOU knew, and YOU were always kind

I peeked from behind
every time I did hurt
It ached me twice
when my reactions were absurd

I, so cleverly, understood the gist
while YOU had feelings deep inside
Quietly, YOU settled in my heart
and in my blood, your love glide

YOU grabbed me from slumber
before I could just slide
Now these beats of my heart go
lup-dup, lup-dup, lup-dup
lup of yours is dup in mine
our love is so pure
our love is divine :*

-KnightesS

optoelectronics textbook

Download book here.

This book is a textbook prescribed by MDU for the 7th semester optical fiber communication subject. Have a happy preparation...oh! whatever ;)

PUNE RETREAT

Well, i finally have things to tell. Things turned this way, i got selected for an entrance exam from nowhere and boarded the plane a week later to pune. I had totally fucked up my mind till then cause i had nothing to write..my hand was numb like my head. Winters were going away, and i had nothing to hold. No love and no life. Yes, this sounds less pathetic then the situation was. Anyways, i headed to my destination with less expectations. The time i landed was the time i wanted to forget the world behind, although i had no idea where i was. 

Me and my close friend with her cousin reached our motel and i happened to rush to the washroom as soon as we entered the small room with large front window. I looked into the mirror, my eyebrow was swollen..and made me look ugly for that time. I re-entered that small room with large window and sat down at the corner of the bed, trying to smile.

We went to a tareef restaurant approximately 1 km from our motel, i was starving but yet lost and trying to figure out where i was. A little chit-chat and unavoidable "who are you" looks, were letting me run back to my small room. Unquestionably, we went further to my friend's cousin's place. I laughed a little bit, but wasn't really sure that i wanted to. We had to study that night but i, always had to sleep if I'm tired of thinking and pretending. So, i was asleep at 00hours. I woke up early because of this dream i had(was really a nightmare). My friend was asleep, after her three alarms with cacophonous tone buzzed her ears, she opened her half eye and asked me for coffee. She got up and we kept on reading all that we brought in the name of our notes. 

Then we had to get ready for the exam, as usual i was confused what to wear, although i decided earlier before leaving, but then its my biggest weakness ('clothes'). We rushed to our examination hall, i had that big box sized calculator, my dad brought from his office..i was too embarrassed to carry that but who cares. After i came out of the hall, i was so astonished at the fact that i managed to attempt 14 questions with logic out of 45 and still hoped to get selected, my nightmare was about to come real. We tossed between two institutes and were preparing our minds against the evil of not getting in. Results were out, my friend saw three names where none matched ours. The biggest obstacle was to tell truth to our parents and we did it. Hell, we came back to our hotel and slept. After we got up, we were trying to sympathize with each other and bring back our minds from NCRA. We walked up to cousin's place and I was less stressed cause we finally would go and eat something. Her brother suggested McD, i was okay with everything until i realized that i have to sit on the back seat of a blue bajaj avenger and i couldn't guess what's next. I held this big smile that my lips borrowed from my heart. We started from his home at 2130hours and strolled on bike at night till it was 2215hours on the big clock i saw midway, my friend was trying. Wohoo!! i was having time of my lifetime. Literally, if her cousin wasn't making us laugh at the restaurant, i would have smiled for no reason and people might have miscalculated my gesture. How can i not mention that twelve and burger girl. Yes, those jokes were real good because it was night and streets were more alive than ever. And then, we went on pune darshan on bikes, in the night and the street lights. The best thing was, i was with unknowns at a unknown place at an odd time and i was hell not worried. Gradually, i was more concerned to feel that the reason for what i was there, was written by god's hand. I wanted to open up my hands to gather all the love of life and to run miles and miles and miles out of excitement and adrenaline rush in my body. Back to that small room again was not that bad too, obviously things were better in every aspect after that ride. We had photographic sessions in every possible posture.

Slept at 0327hours and opened up eyes at 0943hours blabbering hey, i can't sleep anymore. I got up saying i want to eat strawberries today and no plan ahead, we came out of our hotel room at 1230hours, starving. Ate the most random dishes ever, never heard of it..bought my strawberries and some kurkure that my friend intended to eat in the morning(hehe, i shouldn't have mentioned that). Our next station destination was Chaturshangi temple on a hilltop, the word 'hill' let us go there and more than a hill it was rather a lover's point. We sat there in the numbness, talking less and seeing more or not seeing anymore. Down the hill after a two hour retreat, we had nariyal pani with malai and some shopping. Our heads were heavy and we sat in cafe called sidewalk, desperately needed a coffee(we're caffeine addicts). Cousin came and suggested to go to the most happening area of the place, we strolled on foot for about two hours, talking and laughing and headed back home, yes it was like home then. We now had to leave, our cab was waiting at the door and for me and her it was hard to step down. We were just watching the place and each others face and talked of places we visited last night. We reached airport three hours before our plane could fly, we sat there waiting for something that tells us yeah, you're not going anywhere from this place. My mind was still searching for one good reason to continue leaving for home. I was walking on the floor, still resisting my restless mind googling the reason of my presence in there. the reason? the reason? Was i there to meet someone or my destiny was taking shape, why was i meant to be there?? I needed an answer. I saw many faces but none resembled my soul. I boarded the plane, hoping to get the window seat..and bid last goodbye to beautiful Pune. And there i was, flying high drawing random pictures on my e-ticket and trying to not ruin my time in my seat which probably i would never live again. 

This may not be the end of a journey, and there could be a li'l more to live again.

*ende* 

daisies

dreamers talk less
and see more
they become the tides
and caress the shores
they drool in the sky
like shooting stars began to pour
strings of melody
played on a chore
a broom paints on earth
like it opens another door..

::::in process

Just nevermind

I'm in a closet, closet of thoughts, thoughts come even in numbness, numbness is sudden, 'sudden' has a reason behind it. That's it, everything and everyone has a reason to exist, somethings that we see suddenly.. appear in our dream that night, suddenly, when we're traveling we see a hoarding saying 'FOCUS' and then other saying 'FREEDOM', and you conclude 'that's it'...the reason is faith, hope and above all 'love'. In every post I talk of love, sometimes it tests me, sometimes distress me..make me a poetess or sometimes anarchic idiotic child. I started within a closet, I'm still wandering herein. I can have several thoughts and crash them in next moment. Read somewhere, we are born with the fear of falling and loud noises, rest we acquire with our growth..see how ironic it is..i say growth then i say 'fear'. Growth could be a risk but never a fear. And why i titled this as nevermind, there's a reason for this too. You have to read and forget. I write for myself. 

ode to evanescence (my favourite band)

you've transformed in me
the soul of my being
Oh! you evanescent like my thought
dark, bleak and goth you seem
you disappear with the morning star
and so my beautiful dream
a creep crawled over my head
consumed the belief of being alone
you, before, gradually fade
give me what i seek
a relief, a screeching on the walls of my heart
to get rid of all that, bothers.

: written and edited by 'me'
Its feels like home, after so long.