this is something that happens almost everyday. Someone always watching me having his girlfriend by his side....can't handle this(so unfair). I know he liked me in the starting...but "this" isn't good at all...to today i felt like telling him what to do, but didn't(as usual...keeping things to myself). Problem ends if i stop thinking about it.
Apart from this, kept waiting for someone's call, kept finding time for myself, kept managing dance and friends,kept smiling all along just thinking that "aal iz welll" got a hand-muscle-sprain, eyes drowsing and brain browsing. What else?? Huh??
There are few smiles and eye-encounters that make half of your life worthy, sun seems bright more than ever and the butterflies in your stomach...unusual. Gather them, they never get rotten...they motivate the next step...provide you with a different perspective. I've found one:)
*end*
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
the architect
its not about a profession but a creation, a creation of you and me...! That almighty is a divine architect. It created you and me. There's this short mythological story in the novel i'm reading these days (...11 minutes):
The thinker says that initially GOD created a creature, which had four different legs, two faces, different reproductive organs and two different parts of its brain (supposedly man and a woman joint adjacently). Then there's this "Zeus" who lived on some other planet got jealous of the creature created by GOD (reason of envy: efficiency in progress in the working of the world and no "will and would"). So "Zeus" designed a conspiracy and got them separated.
Since then each part has desperation n desire to embrace the other part. ***LOVE***
Therefore we talk about "soul mates" like Romeo-Juliet's. Some of the other or both parts die alone...craving for the other for the whole life...and this is why everybody say that there is one made for each...but you can know "one" in just one sight....(I'm a believer of true love)...no offense!
Think hard...isn't this relates to you in every way...!!! You ain't feel powerful....you motivate your-self when you meet a wrong part(u crave u grave but yet save, a tear to be dropped when you'll just embrace the love of your life). Dreams, they entangle me...a comfortable web though. Someone told me that i, not remain always in me...keep oscillating between my world and your world. TRUE! very true...some people just know evry heart beat of you. Will continue later.
*end*
The thinker says that initially GOD created a creature, which had four different legs, two faces, different reproductive organs and two different parts of its brain (supposedly man and a woman joint adjacently). Then there's this "Zeus" who lived on some other planet got jealous of the creature created by GOD (reason of envy: efficiency in progress in the working of the world and no "will and would"). So "Zeus" designed a conspiracy and got them separated.
Since then each part has desperation n desire to embrace the other part. ***LOVE***
Therefore we talk about "soul mates" like Romeo-Juliet's. Some of the other or both parts die alone...craving for the other for the whole life...and this is why everybody say that there is one made for each...but you can know "one" in just one sight....(I'm a believer of true love)...no offense!
Think hard...isn't this relates to you in every way...!!! You ain't feel powerful....you motivate your-self when you meet a wrong part(u crave u grave but yet save, a tear to be dropped when you'll just embrace the love of your life). Dreams, they entangle me...a comfortable web though. Someone told me that i, not remain always in me...keep oscillating between my world and your world. TRUE! very true...some people just know evry heart beat of you. Will continue later.
*end*
Friday, January 29, 2010
magicity
strange word!!! Paulo Coelho is a magic I'm reading these days...as soon as i take my eyes off the book, i realize that I'm still there..groping and immobile. What a wonderful writer he is..."the eleven minutes"(a marvel) is a guide to living life. Each page i finish, i realize i found a new experience...the character of maria is sometimes alive in me.The upheaval of the her character, its foregoing and tears welled from my eyes every time her heart aches...I'm greatly inspired. I write poem, here it goes.
title: I'm the protagonist
'I' did not change with time
its just that, time changes,
but 'i' remain intact
ever-transparent in the story.
i lead, i lose
i laugh, i choose
i agree, i deny
i write. i cry.
that's what is 'i'
the protagonist.
You always know me
when you are in my story
at times i laugh
you love me laughing
you admire my smile
tears you might can see
you giveth me power
And i remain the protagonist
of the story made in heaven.
From the childhood vulnerability
to an adulthood sincerity,
from those immature thoughts
to these effective decisions,
I've arrived
but never being caught
because I'm playing the protagonist.
like everybody i wanted to
control the trap door of this stage
but like everybody what i got
is to be "the protagonist"
of the veiled drama of living.
Reason though i never understood
of my presence, entirely over the line,
its been just one vibe
i've been carrying along
of being the protagonist
of this story, predetermined.
(original work)
: Swati Goyal:)
i write these poems just to connect with people around me...as i'm the most happiest..when "i share".
*end*
title: I'm the protagonist
'I' did not change with time
its just that, time changes,
but 'i' remain intact
ever-transparent in the story.
i lead, i lose
i laugh, i choose
i agree, i deny
i write. i cry.
that's what is 'i'
the protagonist.
You always know me
when you are in my story
at times i laugh
you love me laughing
you admire my smile
tears you might can see
you giveth me power
And i remain the protagonist
of the story made in heaven.
From the childhood vulnerability
to an adulthood sincerity,
from those immature thoughts
to these effective decisions,
I've arrived
but never being caught
because I'm playing the protagonist.
like everybody i wanted to
control the trap door of this stage
but like everybody what i got
is to be "the protagonist"
of the veiled drama of living.
Reason though i never understood
of my presence, entirely over the line,
its been just one vibe
i've been carrying along
of being the protagonist
of this story, predetermined.
(original work)
: Swati Goyal:)
i write these poems just to connect with people around me...as i'm the most happiest..when "i share".
*end*
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
phew!!!
nice sound...isn't it!! Bringing up something to madness, following it and hoping that they might understand this time...(as a matter of fact) but u can't let them understand until you uncover your veil. But "phew" for ----> you just stopped trying...to things get better themselves, because you fear to disclose you in you. Here is a song that goes with it, follow it " I've tried so hard and got so far...in the end it doesn't even matter" (linkin park).
This isn't about the song, this is about life " you can't just thrive on words for your whole life...come to reality...come to your senses...don't just speak..do it..blah-blah blah-blah"...phew. AND there is this big confusion i live with, everyday. What to pursue...what not to????????????? Should i pursue a thought and take it to a action or just without a minute's thought do what i have to...!!! Latter is my mom's point of view of living life but "i" strictly rely on my thought ( which indeed takes a lot of time to get converted into a action...ha!).
I consistently live a strange life which hardly anyone can understand but my family bet that they can...they say" you're lazy, you're not laborious, you're not a good student neither a good daughter, because you live the way you want to"..." you don't care about others", i can't argue with them anymore and i don't have to. I will unlock the story in the next post. This isn't the right time...let me think-over and then pour in here.
And about the day...it wasn't awesome but isn't that bad. Fortunately i was happy today. Fortunately i got to know that people still care. Fortunately i saw a "hard-working and a polite" man today. Fortunately the day was brighter than i expected it would be. The mind was relaxed unlike other days but gradually moving towards the night 26th January proved to be a drama again. My closed one read my personal diary. But fortunately their was no discussion on it but rather on my non-seriousness of putting my diary in open...huh!!
I hide my inner volcanoes while talking to my closed ones just to make them happy. I wasn't like this but have become so..."phew"( holds a deeper meaning in my sense).
*end*
This isn't about the song, this is about life " you can't just thrive on words for your whole life...come to reality...come to your senses...don't just speak..do it..blah-blah blah-blah"...phew. AND there is this big confusion i live with, everyday. What to pursue...what not to????????????? Should i pursue a thought and take it to a action or just without a minute's thought do what i have to...!!! Latter is my mom's point of view of living life but "i" strictly rely on my thought ( which indeed takes a lot of time to get converted into a action...ha!).
I consistently live a strange life which hardly anyone can understand but my family bet that they can...they say" you're lazy, you're not laborious, you're not a good student neither a good daughter, because you live the way you want to"..." you don't care about others", i can't argue with them anymore and i don't have to. I will unlock the story in the next post. This isn't the right time...let me think-over and then pour in here.
And about the day...it wasn't awesome but isn't that bad. Fortunately i was happy today. Fortunately i got to know that people still care. Fortunately i saw a "hard-working and a polite" man today. Fortunately the day was brighter than i expected it would be. The mind was relaxed unlike other days but gradually moving towards the night 26th January proved to be a drama again. My closed one read my personal diary. But fortunately their was no discussion on it but rather on my non-seriousness of putting my diary in open...huh!!
I hide my inner volcanoes while talking to my closed ones just to make them happy. I wasn't like this but have become so..."phew"( holds a deeper meaning in my sense).
*end*
Sunday, January 24, 2010
priority
a night can change the motive of your being, like mine. Last night has changed the entire view i had since my childhood as if a fairy tale just got over...that you'd never intend to quit. Priority, has tremendously changed. Even i didn't find a clue of how did it all happen. Ah!! don't worry...I'm not going to stop writing my blog...its the only way i connect with people...but I've a motive now. I'm no more a fickle-minded person...goals are set. I'm rigid this time...overnight i kept thinking, that why i depend on people to support me every time....why do i depend on this face to let people love me. These intentions should possess some weight eventually...since then the path got cleared and i became more specific about what should i do with my life. Every past lesson became poignant. You often judge me as very optimistic about life...I've made this "my weapon" for life. Well, this isn't actually an overnight amendment...this something was in my mind but came to my senses lately.
I heard someone saying "You can become blind by seeing each day as a similar one. Each day is different, each day brings a miracle of its own. It's just a matter of paying attention to this miracle. Follow the signs your heart is giving you right now." And i followed. My heart says forget that somebody will ever love you or gain your trust...may be these are such circumstances that temme this but I'm going to follow my heart...it rarely speaks. It says "Don’t allow your wounds to turn you into a person you are not"...I'm wounded right now and I'm also turning into a person...i can not. But this is the only way to be strengthened again, to gain myself once again. Enough of living a life of beggars(true, i sometime seemed to be begging for praise and admire)...now truly i'm going to live life like i ever wanted not against my parents' will like previous days of my life...i called "living life with own rules is living against parents"...ha!! which was just a thin veil of modesty...i understand now, the hard realities of this gifted life...no fairy tale is going to affect my dreams now-on.
*end*
I heard someone saying "You can become blind by seeing each day as a similar one. Each day is different, each day brings a miracle of its own. It's just a matter of paying attention to this miracle. Follow the signs your heart is giving you right now." And i followed. My heart says forget that somebody will ever love you or gain your trust...may be these are such circumstances that temme this but I'm going to follow my heart...it rarely speaks. It says "Don’t allow your wounds to turn you into a person you are not"...I'm wounded right now and I'm also turning into a person...i can not. But this is the only way to be strengthened again, to gain myself once again. Enough of living a life of beggars(true, i sometime seemed to be begging for praise and admire)...now truly i'm going to live life like i ever wanted not against my parents' will like previous days of my life...i called "living life with own rules is living against parents"...ha!! which was just a thin veil of modesty...i understand now, the hard realities of this gifted life...no fairy tale is going to affect my dreams now-on.
*end*
Saturday, January 23, 2010
moving around in circles
where was i....ah!!! Yesterday i used every abusive word i could know, i know its wrong n very wrong n absolutely proves me a "bad human being"....i was guilty when i woke up in the morning. But "me" inside this human is abs safe and pure. Why i titled this post "moving around in circles"....now thats a good question. I explain it to you. This is something called state of my mind these days. Life seems to be dull and drastically way down my expectations. Got bored and immensely outta my mind...i dint realise what am i doing but still following my heart...(because i trust it).
Voice is hoarse and cries are inside
i don't know what to pursue
in an abjectly sorrowful life...
i'm moving around in circles
don't realise the monotony of it
uptill can't escape the ultimate
destination of this gifted life
as they say.
unescapable or what else do i pray.
*end*
Voice is hoarse and cries are inside
i don't know what to pursue
in an abjectly sorrowful life...
i'm moving around in circles
don't realise the monotony of it
uptill can't escape the ultimate
destination of this gifted life
as they say.
unescapable or what else do i pray.
*end*
enough!!!!
well, thats the word for today....a lot of things went "enough" for me today. Enough of "masti", enough of "tolerence" of some non-sense and abusive texts from my school mate(u remember the moron, i mentioned earlier) and enough of "scoldings" by mom and (esp.) dad. Life seems to be miserable at the end of the day. Yeah!!! i don't want to spoil the memories i gathered today by just a "bad-mood"....i enjoyed a lot, celebrated my close friends birthday...even the journey was awesome, but had to pay for all this at the end of the day...but chalta hai yaar...friends ke saath ke liye this is a mere cost.
As mentioned above, got two reasons for bad mood. That scoundrel didn't get my message...i bet he will reply to me until he feels that his ego has "enough" of injuries...n also can i bet that i'm gonna win this argument this time...because this is powerful "me" involved here and not the human inside me. This time nothing called "losing" is going to happen. He will definitely see a drastic change in his ****ing life **i bet again!!!** "Enough" of discussing the rubbishness of my life. And now the another reason goes as " late-entry " to the home after the party...(yeah!!! defi. a reason to get scolded) and i got the message when my family didn't open gate for me...ha! But...they opened and let me in at last. I escaped lately.
have a lot to tell you but don't wanna make this post a long one...so i quit here bidding all of u a good night and pleeeeeej sleep tight because its really cold outta there. tell u everything tommorow.:):)
*end*
As mentioned above, got two reasons for bad mood. That scoundrel didn't get my message...i bet he will reply to me until he feels that his ego has "enough" of injuries...n also can i bet that i'm gonna win this argument this time...because this is powerful "me" involved here and not the human inside me. This time nothing called "losing" is going to happen. He will definitely see a drastic change in his ****ing life **i bet again!!!** "Enough" of discussing the rubbishness of my life. And now the another reason goes as " late-entry " to the home after the party...(yeah!!! defi. a reason to get scolded) and i got the message when my family didn't open gate for me...ha! But...they opened and let me in at last. I escaped lately.
have a lot to tell you but don't wanna make this post a long one...so i quit here bidding all of u a good night and pleeeeeej sleep tight because its really cold outta there. tell u everything tommorow.:):)
*end*
Friday, January 22, 2010
new post
a new post means something new happened lately in my life!!! Yes! this is some sort of sudden hype in my confidence for "writing"...i get thrills when people pay attention...when they praise me. My close friend, i was just chatting with her last night around midnight, said that i write good things about life. This sentence just posed enough for me. I feel like the writing queen...uh! ah! I know, i shouldn't be that excited but this is not my behavior but human behavior!! She liked this line too:)
I watched a nice movie today and yesterday...(yawn) I do least work these days...besides pouring in here. "Life is a race, if u don't run fast...u'll be like broken "anda"...ha"...nice dialogue from a nice movie...i hope u remember. And about the movies i saw, were "half-light" and "1408"....such thrills and suspense.
I heard another wonderful line i want to share" i imagine love as incompleteness in absence"....true...close to everyone indeed...howsoever you feel that u're not in love n once being hurt u just lose urself but fellas!!! Wait, nothing in this world can be done without love...its a power to you. Though u watch in every second hindi movie that whenever love is in danger...hero gets a sudden power to conquer the villain with only one punch...(holy-shit)..but still it holds a message. Uh! i learnt that from my mom, to see things with a motive...be a real spectator. So, where was i, yes, love!!! the line i mentioned earlier says that two lovers are like two volumes of a book, each is incomplete without the either. where is my other volume!! i've been looking for it everywhere...divine...special...and natural!!!
*end*
I watched a nice movie today and yesterday...(yawn) I do least work these days...besides pouring in here. "Life is a race, if u don't run fast...u'll be like broken "anda"...ha"...nice dialogue from a nice movie...i hope u remember. And about the movies i saw, were "half-light" and "1408"....such thrills and suspense.
I heard another wonderful line i want to share" i imagine love as incompleteness in absence"....true...close to everyone indeed...howsoever you feel that u're not in love n once being hurt u just lose urself but fellas!!! Wait, nothing in this world can be done without love...its a power to you. Though u watch in every second hindi movie that whenever love is in danger...hero gets a sudden power to conquer the villain with only one punch...(holy-shit)..but still it holds a message. Uh! i learnt that from my mom, to see things with a motive...be a real spectator. So, where was i, yes, love!!! the line i mentioned earlier says that two lovers are like two volumes of a book, each is incomplete without the either. where is my other volume!! i've been looking for it everywhere...divine...special...and natural!!!
*end*
Thursday, January 21, 2010
dear diary
how can it be difficult for few morons to live in peace. They just find out every way of teasing others...i recently had an encounter. He used to send messages to me on a sn site for no reason...used such abrupt language (by the way he was one of my school friends)...of which he dint even understand the meaning...really!!!! N now i don't wanna discuss him anymore....i have sent him a message to avoid placing anything on my page...lets see if he understand or is there any other way to make that idiot get my words **peace**
Besides all this i miss my friends a lot while sitting idle at my home. I've got just nothing to do...n i also feel lonely sometimes..**sad** to add to the sadness i live in a place of greens away from human life...curse or boon...i just don't get it. Chatting n blogging just create a fake sense of being with one u miss...but being actually wid them is a different thing...u can see them laugh...u can see them cry...u can see them become numb and talk. I am social person...i cant wait for my college to get started. I'm feeling so outta world, there must be a way to keep away this solitaire.
Well, i spend my day listening to songs...watching movies n studying!!! Another wasteful day without friends. I heard a nice song to cherish the day...called "then" by BRAD PRAISLEY.
*end*
Besides all this i miss my friends a lot while sitting idle at my home. I've got just nothing to do...n i also feel lonely sometimes..**sad** to add to the sadness i live in a place of greens away from human life...curse or boon...i just don't get it. Chatting n blogging just create a fake sense of being with one u miss...but being actually wid them is a different thing...u can see them laugh...u can see them cry...u can see them become numb and talk. I am social person...i cant wait for my college to get started. I'm feeling so outta world, there must be a way to keep away this solitaire.
Well, i spend my day listening to songs...watching movies n studying!!! Another wasteful day without friends. I heard a nice song to cherish the day...called "then" by BRAD PRAISLEY.
*end*
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
myth
dunno whats in here
don't know whats gonna be on the other side
i have a myth for my own good
i have owned it since my heart fears
this myth's my den...this gives
me a reason to live,
not dat i m away from reality
i m aware but it still my hide out.
guys and gals this love is a strange thing, i know it little but its a powerful thing. Feel free to express urself...u'll not gonna lose....love wid ur heart...u'll rock:)
don't know whats gonna be on the other side
i have a myth for my own good
i have owned it since my heart fears
this myth's my den...this gives
me a reason to live,
not dat i m away from reality
i m aware but it still my hide out.
guys and gals this love is a strange thing, i know it little but its a powerful thing. Feel free to express urself...u'll not gonna lose....love wid ur heart...u'll rock:)
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