Understanding the web

What you do when while in your sleep you get caught in a web, and from there on you'd have to live within it howsoever you try to get out, it won't go. You'll make a relationship with it and may be later you'll start loving it...will understand it. Yeah! that's kinda forceful but what other option you have except to carry the dead loathed scum with you. That's how you're dealing with your present right now, forcefully. "The same old routine", how many times in a day you tell yourself that your path is not meant for you, this aint an ant-story like today I read in a novel, ants will survive the natural or man-made calamities by following each other, on the other hand you are gonna turn into ruins. You need a separate shield that is unique and protective of you. Parents followed their parents, but that doesn't mean they did a right thing...they deprived the world of some more art, talent and uniqueness. There must be thousand things you don't like but still do it to please either your parents, neighbor or any one passing by, in that case loved ones..go out in sunshine or in moonlight alone and ask yourself, "Do I Want To Hate Myself One Day?"..if your spirit says "NO". Kill your routine and tell yourself that you're that beautiful soul that never loses its charm and attraction, from next moment itself, you'll play with everything, you'll stop being a slave to your surroundings, and suddenly in that following sleep of yours that web, which originated out of nowhere will melt down...will surrender.

Do one exercise today, a ritual that I created on my own..you might like to apply some changes to it, do as your heart says. So here it is, turn the lights off of your room, sit down on a chair and place a big white candle in front of you on an altar, light it. Concentrate on the flame, observe it closely..the blue, the red, the orange and the yellow. Keep looking for few minutes, and then think of just someONE you really care for, someONE not in your family, some stranger may be whom you want to meet again..someone far yet closer than all other. Keep concentrating on the flame..Look for a eye like shape or keep wandering but don't let your gaze go. You just have to look till you know why you're doing it. After you know, you've understood too. Share with me.  

Its time everyone gets home!!

I watched for two complete hours outside the window of the bus I was travelling by, nothing strange did I see. It was the same expression that I saw on each face that evening - panic! There was hurry in every step to get back home safe, before the sun sets in..nor was I in some other mood..but all this humanity amused me for a while. I read many life related articles, they can not write better than I can all they have is a better opportunity than me, while i was making this as note in my mind reading an article in an English daily, i found my bus in middle of a road jam. It almost took us one hour to escape the slow movement, and that did increase the tension factor in my mind too not because I was afraid of the dark but because someone at home doesn't know that I was safe enough. The day was spectacular, I spent it my way but now its time to get back to my nest, I thought to myself like everybody.
All day the birds fly, and at the end of the light, they turn down from the sky..because in night they get shy..for the prey are often sly.  

The day I played stone paper and scissors

I never thought life would be this
Tensed and pretentious
How long do I have to walk
on this sad old grey road
where sometimes happy memories
touch and go
leaving a moment of joy
as a curve on my lips.

When I look back
Journey wasn't too bad
It is just this ugly path
stones everywhere,
All  I've is some inked paper to wrap.

From my past, I recollect
some fine pearls
lying since forever on the side of my reign.
And may be its my sheer luck
that I remembered the day
when I learnt this game
a child to child's play
and also, never did I thought
I'd again have my fate to blame.

.

In-mid-end

I’ve seen you hideous                                                                                  

Even in my thoughts                                                                                    

You cross the bridge                                                                                    

with the trembling gaps                                                                                  

and find yet another                                                                                    

piece of misery                                                                                            

You do not move further                                                                              

but didn’t opt to turn your back                                                                      

Bravery,                                                                                                    

and the pain flourish                                                                                    

Hard                                                                                                          

It has always been                                                                                      

pushing without a reason                                                                              

your own tolerance at stretch                                                                

meeting the ghosts                                                                              

yelling in numbness                                                                                

upon the rock hard bed found                                                                      

you try to look aback                                                                                  

at the other end of the bridge                                                                      

yet you held some hope                                                                                

And here fate tightens the rope  

            

Abyss more attractive these days

Does it matter? I've been thinking this, all along. Humph, it all matters at once. Every day I confront different being in me, apart from what I believe I am. What kind of hell this place is, like paradise? Perfect on the surface and noisy inside. You can see it but inseparable. In years, I've learnt to be a victim in every situation, afraid and always lagging behind, never been a fearless one to conquer. But then its what i saw around me happening, never taking the control of the situation, running like a victim, a frightened mice. Aaaarrggghhhh!!    

Patches

Once I wrote about a trance state that came naturally to me, I did not taste it intentionally. Unknown places are calling in, that's not strange to someone like me. And I do not hesitate to embrace my unknown destiny. They say that everything has a reason, they say with every shit happening around you, destiny takes shape...the shape of identical you, the curves and the flats, tight and loose. I'm unaware of what would be the mystery of the pot, hence I just do things on my impulse..confusion indeed treads in and I seek advice, but then we shall not be too timid or too open. Just keep walking, take things head-on.
I, consider myself as a writer, not as good though. I write with my limited words, and with the consent of my brain  I might restrict very personal experience within only my reach. Paulo Coelho says "Writing is like dancing naked in a street" and he says right. So if I put minimum clothes on, I am not writing for myself, it becomes a mockery of my reason to write. Writing is such a relief, letting yourself flow with your thoughts and coming back to senses to see that world doesn't care for you but how do you please it, is a realization that writing isn't a hobby nor a profession, its a meditation to those who know what words can do. I think I know now that placing words after each digital blank space is easier than placing them in my mind, voids are inconsistent and speaking of my temperament. 

You

My eyes open to see your smile, and the end with the contentment that you sleep happy. Who are you? Did you ever belong to me? You have made my day and night crazy. I wander in your thoughts, too blind to see problems coming and going away. Smell of the bathing earth, rising and setting sun, leaves growing and withering, music art or dance, all I experience at once. You have made my life wonderful. You have changed nothing and yet I get mature with your love, I get old like wine. I think, and believe that I shall pen down my thoughts about you but I rather keep thinking as if possessed by your affection, I wander on damp road, smiling. You have a beautiful heart, and an amazing smile. I've loved you like I loved me once, alive and inspiring. 

Affordable Happiness

What would be the best-est of the feelings for me? To me, standing in the middle of a long bridge between two tree covered mountains and a peaceful but huge river flowing beneath, cool breeze and my open hair brushing against the air, the shiver of the nature on my skin and bewildered eyes watching the flow of the river, eyes gazing and gazing at the distance and coming back to the water. Nature cures you, in and out, to me it the best-est of the feelings, to be so near and yet so far. Well, my mum's and dad's smile may do that too, but somewhere at a place like this will be a dream come true. :)

Broken Bridge

I was always there,
You did not see me
although you stared
And in your heart
you were finding me,
a time spared to share.
What you think and 
what you want, you knew
the essence of an old page and ink
is the soul of you.
Bringing up in heart
those moments to live
to cheer
Now, when it gets real
It is cruel than we thought,
we, me and you.
Well, then as I pass
You lose
You lose your sheer
hope and wonder
But at last 
you shouldn't have given up 
I'm the culprit
and I surrender.


-knightesS

Beauty Of Its Own

Read some tips to be happy, the ideals do's and dont's. It speaks less and screams more inside my heart. The inability to keep track of my own doings or words or thoughts, it kills you. Entire life I've been listening to my closed ones, trusting in them, but now I've known what they'd known, to extract silk outta moth, we kill it by pouring salt on its internal glands, and enjoy the profit on its carcass. Running from truth ain't a choice, its just running. Yes, we do a brutal thing, and here the difference is I need to kill the emotional 'me', the crying baby inside me is longing to die for the grown-up 'me' wants to survive. Let go, just one smash, just one attack, just one final decision without looking in the eye, without feeling the pain wheeling in front of the sight, kill it..kill it, just let go. The courage has beauty of its own, the beauty of survival after a month spent in the heart of the snow, survival after a lava crossing over your head, a survival of living alone in an empty abyss and kissing the other world,  just need some courage. Courage for one critical moment.