Thursday, June 24, 2010

...........

From days I was not able to write. Why? Thoughts were impaling hard, couldn't raise my pen...besides silence was miles away. I was afraid to write, because this 'self' became sel-fish. It needed acceptance more than this hand possess the ability to write. But I realize it, as soon as my heart trembles to find no other way to express. My words though seem 'shallow' and 'fickle' sometimes, they speak my truth. I've been more into answering than asking myself everything. And my answers are descriptive, take time..i have a conflict within..a 'riot' i must say. Better i keep it inside, where it makes sense. Most of the time, I'm not properly conscious..i have those dreamy eyes which believe that they have got what the thing beyond them ever wanted. I don't realize that I've not spoken what i really thought i have..i speak more to myself than i speak to the world..and I'm least expressive in my proper conscious state. I'd kept a lot of things inside for so long that they are kinda disturbing me right now. Neither i can speak nor i can keep. Lately i saw an old man, working in vicinity from over 20 years, returning home. He'd always carried a smile on his face when i wish him, inside, as i could see, he's torn. Having the same routine throughout, everyday fighting for acceptance in the world, earning hard-earned respect..saluting his rude seniors..paying seldom attention to his wife and children..dying each day to not fulfill their demands. I could see it in his eyes that day..but 'he'..wore a smile. Momentarily, i was lost. My feet didn't stop but mind did stuck. These moments are precious for me.
I always kept myself from those teeny temptations. If i like someone, i just like from a distance. Because when things aren't spontaneous, they are pallid. If a guy ogles at some girl, she notices. May be likes it, because attention..everyone wants. 'She' may be thinking it for the whole day..because girls are specialized in thinking and thinking everything for hours. But girls are always afraid to take first step, if they do take..then they've really thought a lot or may be indecisive.

*ende*