strange word!!! Paulo Coelho is a magic I'm reading these days...as soon as i take my eyes off the book, i realize that I'm still there..groping and immobile. What a wonderful writer he is..."the eleven minutes"(a marvel) is a guide to living life. Each page i finish, i realize i found a new experience...the character of maria is sometimes alive in me.The upheaval of the her character, its foregoing and tears welled from my eyes every time her heart aches...I'm greatly inspired. I write poem, here it goes.
title: I'm the protagonist
'I' did not change with time
its just that, time changes,
but 'i' remain intact
ever-transparent in the story.
i lead, i lose
i laugh, i choose
i agree, i deny
i write. i cry.
that's what is 'i'
the protagonist.
You always know me
when you are in my story
at times i laugh
you love me laughing
you admire my smile
tears you might can see
you giveth me power
And i remain the protagonist
of the story made in heaven.
From the childhood vulnerability
to an adulthood sincerity,
from those immature thoughts
to these effective decisions,
I've arrived
but never being caught
because I'm playing the protagonist.
like everybody i wanted to
control the trap door of this stage
but like everybody what i got
is to be "the protagonist"
of the veiled drama of living.
Reason though i never understood
of my presence, entirely over the line,
its been just one vibe
i've been carrying along
of being the protagonist
of this story, predetermined.
(original work)
: Swati Goyal:)
i write these poems just to connect with people around me...as i'm the most happiest..when "i share".
*end*
Friday, January 29, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
phew!!!
nice sound...isn't it!! Bringing up something to madness, following it and hoping that they might understand this time...(as a matter of fact) but u can't let them understand until you uncover your veil. But "phew" for ----> you just stopped trying...to things get better themselves, because you fear to disclose you in you. Here is a song that goes with it, follow it " I've tried so hard and got so far...in the end it doesn't even matter" (linkin park).
This isn't about the song, this is about life " you can't just thrive on words for your whole life...come to reality...come to your senses...don't just speak..do it..blah-blah blah-blah"...phew. AND there is this big confusion i live with, everyday. What to pursue...what not to????????????? Should i pursue a thought and take it to a action or just without a minute's thought do what i have to...!!! Latter is my mom's point of view of living life but "i" strictly rely on my thought ( which indeed takes a lot of time to get converted into a action...ha!).
I consistently live a strange life which hardly anyone can understand but my family bet that they can...they say" you're lazy, you're not laborious, you're not a good student neither a good daughter, because you live the way you want to"..." you don't care about others", i can't argue with them anymore and i don't have to. I will unlock the story in the next post. This isn't the right time...let me think-over and then pour in here.
And about the day...it wasn't awesome but isn't that bad. Fortunately i was happy today. Fortunately i got to know that people still care. Fortunately i saw a "hard-working and a polite" man today. Fortunately the day was brighter than i expected it would be. The mind was relaxed unlike other days but gradually moving towards the night 26th January proved to be a drama again. My closed one read my personal diary. But fortunately their was no discussion on it but rather on my non-seriousness of putting my diary in open...huh!!
I hide my inner volcanoes while talking to my closed ones just to make them happy. I wasn't like this but have become so..."phew"( holds a deeper meaning in my sense).
*end*
This isn't about the song, this is about life " you can't just thrive on words for your whole life...come to reality...come to your senses...don't just speak..do it..blah-blah blah-blah"...phew. AND there is this big confusion i live with, everyday. What to pursue...what not to????????????? Should i pursue a thought and take it to a action or just without a minute's thought do what i have to...!!! Latter is my mom's point of view of living life but "i" strictly rely on my thought ( which indeed takes a lot of time to get converted into a action...ha!).
I consistently live a strange life which hardly anyone can understand but my family bet that they can...they say" you're lazy, you're not laborious, you're not a good student neither a good daughter, because you live the way you want to"..." you don't care about others", i can't argue with them anymore and i don't have to. I will unlock the story in the next post. This isn't the right time...let me think-over and then pour in here.
And about the day...it wasn't awesome but isn't that bad. Fortunately i was happy today. Fortunately i got to know that people still care. Fortunately i saw a "hard-working and a polite" man today. Fortunately the day was brighter than i expected it would be. The mind was relaxed unlike other days but gradually moving towards the night 26th January proved to be a drama again. My closed one read my personal diary. But fortunately their was no discussion on it but rather on my non-seriousness of putting my diary in open...huh!!
I hide my inner volcanoes while talking to my closed ones just to make them happy. I wasn't like this but have become so..."phew"( holds a deeper meaning in my sense).
*end*
Sunday, January 24, 2010
priority
a night can change the motive of your being, like mine. Last night has changed the entire view i had since my childhood as if a fairy tale just got over...that you'd never intend to quit. Priority, has tremendously changed. Even i didn't find a clue of how did it all happen. Ah!! don't worry...I'm not going to stop writing my blog...its the only way i connect with people...but I've a motive now. I'm no more a fickle-minded person...goals are set. I'm rigid this time...overnight i kept thinking, that why i depend on people to support me every time....why do i depend on this face to let people love me. These intentions should possess some weight eventually...since then the path got cleared and i became more specific about what should i do with my life. Every past lesson became poignant. You often judge me as very optimistic about life...I've made this "my weapon" for life. Well, this isn't actually an overnight amendment...this something was in my mind but came to my senses lately.
I heard someone saying "You can become blind by seeing each day as a similar one. Each day is different, each day brings a miracle of its own. It's just a matter of paying attention to this miracle. Follow the signs your heart is giving you right now." And i followed. My heart says forget that somebody will ever love you or gain your trust...may be these are such circumstances that temme this but I'm going to follow my heart...it rarely speaks. It says "Don’t allow your wounds to turn you into a person you are not"...I'm wounded right now and I'm also turning into a person...i can not. But this is the only way to be strengthened again, to gain myself once again. Enough of living a life of beggars(true, i sometime seemed to be begging for praise and admire)...now truly i'm going to live life like i ever wanted not against my parents' will like previous days of my life...i called "living life with own rules is living against parents"...ha!! which was just a thin veil of modesty...i understand now, the hard realities of this gifted life...no fairy tale is going to affect my dreams now-on.
*end*
I heard someone saying "You can become blind by seeing each day as a similar one. Each day is different, each day brings a miracle of its own. It's just a matter of paying attention to this miracle. Follow the signs your heart is giving you right now." And i followed. My heart says forget that somebody will ever love you or gain your trust...may be these are such circumstances that temme this but I'm going to follow my heart...it rarely speaks. It says "Don’t allow your wounds to turn you into a person you are not"...I'm wounded right now and I'm also turning into a person...i can not. But this is the only way to be strengthened again, to gain myself once again. Enough of living a life of beggars(true, i sometime seemed to be begging for praise and admire)...now truly i'm going to live life like i ever wanted not against my parents' will like previous days of my life...i called "living life with own rules is living against parents"...ha!! which was just a thin veil of modesty...i understand now, the hard realities of this gifted life...no fairy tale is going to affect my dreams now-on.
*end*
Saturday, January 23, 2010
moving around in circles
where was i....ah!!! Yesterday i used every abusive word i could know, i know its wrong n very wrong n absolutely proves me a "bad human being"....i was guilty when i woke up in the morning. But "me" inside this human is abs safe and pure. Why i titled this post "moving around in circles"....now thats a good question. I explain it to you. This is something called state of my mind these days. Life seems to be dull and drastically way down my expectations. Got bored and immensely outta my mind...i dint realise what am i doing but still following my heart...(because i trust it).
Voice is hoarse and cries are inside
i don't know what to pursue
in an abjectly sorrowful life...
i'm moving around in circles
don't realise the monotony of it
uptill can't escape the ultimate
destination of this gifted life
as they say.
unescapable or what else do i pray.
*end*
Voice is hoarse and cries are inside
i don't know what to pursue
in an abjectly sorrowful life...
i'm moving around in circles
don't realise the monotony of it
uptill can't escape the ultimate
destination of this gifted life
as they say.
unescapable or what else do i pray.
*end*
enough!!!!
well, thats the word for today....a lot of things went "enough" for me today. Enough of "masti", enough of "tolerence" of some non-sense and abusive texts from my school mate(u remember the moron, i mentioned earlier) and enough of "scoldings" by mom and (esp.) dad. Life seems to be miserable at the end of the day. Yeah!!! i don't want to spoil the memories i gathered today by just a "bad-mood"....i enjoyed a lot, celebrated my close friends birthday...even the journey was awesome, but had to pay for all this at the end of the day...but chalta hai yaar...friends ke saath ke liye this is a mere cost.
As mentioned above, got two reasons for bad mood. That scoundrel didn't get my message...i bet he will reply to me until he feels that his ego has "enough" of injuries...n also can i bet that i'm gonna win this argument this time...because this is powerful "me" involved here and not the human inside me. This time nothing called "losing" is going to happen. He will definitely see a drastic change in his ****ing life **i bet again!!!** "Enough" of discussing the rubbishness of my life. And now the another reason goes as " late-entry " to the home after the party...(yeah!!! defi. a reason to get scolded) and i got the message when my family didn't open gate for me...ha! But...they opened and let me in at last. I escaped lately.
have a lot to tell you but don't wanna make this post a long one...so i quit here bidding all of u a good night and pleeeeeej sleep tight because its really cold outta there. tell u everything tommorow.:):)
*end*
As mentioned above, got two reasons for bad mood. That scoundrel didn't get my message...i bet he will reply to me until he feels that his ego has "enough" of injuries...n also can i bet that i'm gonna win this argument this time...because this is powerful "me" involved here and not the human inside me. This time nothing called "losing" is going to happen. He will definitely see a drastic change in his ****ing life **i bet again!!!** "Enough" of discussing the rubbishness of my life. And now the another reason goes as " late-entry " to the home after the party...(yeah!!! defi. a reason to get scolded) and i got the message when my family didn't open gate for me...ha! But...they opened and let me in at last. I escaped lately.
have a lot to tell you but don't wanna make this post a long one...so i quit here bidding all of u a good night and pleeeeeej sleep tight because its really cold outta there. tell u everything tommorow.:):)
*end*
Friday, January 22, 2010
new post
a new post means something new happened lately in my life!!! Yes! this is some sort of sudden hype in my confidence for "writing"...i get thrills when people pay attention...when they praise me. My close friend, i was just chatting with her last night around midnight, said that i write good things about life. This sentence just posed enough for me. I feel like the writing queen...uh! ah! I know, i shouldn't be that excited but this is not my behavior but human behavior!! She liked this line too:)
I watched a nice movie today and yesterday...(yawn) I do least work these days...besides pouring in here. "Life is a race, if u don't run fast...u'll be like broken "anda"...ha"...nice dialogue from a nice movie...i hope u remember. And about the movies i saw, were "half-light" and "1408"....such thrills and suspense.
I heard another wonderful line i want to share" i imagine love as incompleteness in absence"....true...close to everyone indeed...howsoever you feel that u're not in love n once being hurt u just lose urself but fellas!!! Wait, nothing in this world can be done without love...its a power to you. Though u watch in every second hindi movie that whenever love is in danger...hero gets a sudden power to conquer the villain with only one punch...(holy-shit)..but still it holds a message. Uh! i learnt that from my mom, to see things with a motive...be a real spectator. So, where was i, yes, love!!! the line i mentioned earlier says that two lovers are like two volumes of a book, each is incomplete without the either. where is my other volume!! i've been looking for it everywhere...divine...special...and natural!!!
*end*
I watched a nice movie today and yesterday...(yawn) I do least work these days...besides pouring in here. "Life is a race, if u don't run fast...u'll be like broken "anda"...ha"...nice dialogue from a nice movie...i hope u remember. And about the movies i saw, were "half-light" and "1408"....such thrills and suspense.
I heard another wonderful line i want to share" i imagine love as incompleteness in absence"....true...close to everyone indeed...howsoever you feel that u're not in love n once being hurt u just lose urself but fellas!!! Wait, nothing in this world can be done without love...its a power to you. Though u watch in every second hindi movie that whenever love is in danger...hero gets a sudden power to conquer the villain with only one punch...(holy-shit)..but still it holds a message. Uh! i learnt that from my mom, to see things with a motive...be a real spectator. So, where was i, yes, love!!! the line i mentioned earlier says that two lovers are like two volumes of a book, each is incomplete without the either. where is my other volume!! i've been looking for it everywhere...divine...special...and natural!!!
*end*
Thursday, January 21, 2010
dear diary
how can it be difficult for few morons to live in peace. They just find out every way of teasing others...i recently had an encounter. He used to send messages to me on a sn site for no reason...used such abrupt language (by the way he was one of my school friends)...of which he dint even understand the meaning...really!!!! N now i don't wanna discuss him anymore....i have sent him a message to avoid placing anything on my page...lets see if he understand or is there any other way to make that idiot get my words **peace**
Besides all this i miss my friends a lot while sitting idle at my home. I've got just nothing to do...n i also feel lonely sometimes..**sad** to add to the sadness i live in a place of greens away from human life...curse or boon...i just don't get it. Chatting n blogging just create a fake sense of being with one u miss...but being actually wid them is a different thing...u can see them laugh...u can see them cry...u can see them become numb and talk. I am social person...i cant wait for my college to get started. I'm feeling so outta world, there must be a way to keep away this solitaire.
Well, i spend my day listening to songs...watching movies n studying!!! Another wasteful day without friends. I heard a nice song to cherish the day...called "then" by BRAD PRAISLEY.
*end*
Besides all this i miss my friends a lot while sitting idle at my home. I've got just nothing to do...n i also feel lonely sometimes..**sad** to add to the sadness i live in a place of greens away from human life...curse or boon...i just don't get it. Chatting n blogging just create a fake sense of being with one u miss...but being actually wid them is a different thing...u can see them laugh...u can see them cry...u can see them become numb and talk. I am social person...i cant wait for my college to get started. I'm feeling so outta world, there must be a way to keep away this solitaire.
Well, i spend my day listening to songs...watching movies n studying!!! Another wasteful day without friends. I heard a nice song to cherish the day...called "then" by BRAD PRAISLEY.
*end*
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
myth
dunno whats in here
don't know whats gonna be on the other side
i have a myth for my own good
i have owned it since my heart fears
this myth's my den...this gives
me a reason to live,
not dat i m away from reality
i m aware but it still my hide out.
guys and gals this love is a strange thing, i know it little but its a powerful thing. Feel free to express urself...u'll not gonna lose....love wid ur heart...u'll rock:)
don't know whats gonna be on the other side
i have a myth for my own good
i have owned it since my heart fears
this myth's my den...this gives
me a reason to live,
not dat i m away from reality
i m aware but it still my hide out.
guys and gals this love is a strange thing, i know it little but its a powerful thing. Feel free to express urself...u'll not gonna lose....love wid ur heart...u'll rock:)
Saturday, January 16, 2010
heard this at least 200 times...
n now u know that i love fairy tales a lot:)
Love Story lyrics
Songwriters: Swift, Taylor Alison;
We were both young when I first saw you
I close my eyes
And the flashback starts
I'm standing there
On a balcony in summer air
See the lights
See the party, the ball gowns
I see you make your way through the crowd
And say hello, little did I know
That you were Romeo, you were throwing pebbles
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
And I was crying on the staircase
Begging you please don't go, and I said
Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story baby just say yes
So I sneak out to the garden to see you
We keep quiet 'cause we're dead if they knew
So close your eyes
Escape this town for a little while
'Cause you were Romeo, I was a scarlet letter
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
But you were everything to me
I was begging you please don't go and I said
Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story baby just say yes
Romeo save me, they try to tell me how to feel
This love is difficult, but it's real
Don't be afraid, we'll make it out of this mess
It's a love story baby just say yes
Oh oh
I got tired of waiting
Wondering if you were ever coming around
My faith in you is fading
When I met you on the outskirts of town, and I said
Romeo save me I've been feeling so alone
I keep waiting for you but you never come
Is this in my head? I don't know what to think
He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring
And said, marry me Juliet
You'll never have to be alone
I love you and that's all I really know
I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress
It's a love story baby just say yes
Oh, oh, oh, oh
'Cause we were both young when I first saw you
listen to the song as well at the following link:)
http://mp3dl.co.cc/mp3/Taylor+Swift+-+Love+Story.mp3/
Love Story lyrics
Songwriters: Swift, Taylor Alison;
We were both young when I first saw you
I close my eyes
And the flashback starts
I'm standing there
On a balcony in summer air
See the lights
See the party, the ball gowns
I see you make your way through the crowd
And say hello, little did I know
That you were Romeo, you were throwing pebbles
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
And I was crying on the staircase
Begging you please don't go, and I said
Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story baby just say yes
So I sneak out to the garden to see you
We keep quiet 'cause we're dead if they knew
So close your eyes
Escape this town for a little while
'Cause you were Romeo, I was a scarlet letter
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
But you were everything to me
I was begging you please don't go and I said
Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story baby just say yes
Romeo save me, they try to tell me how to feel
This love is difficult, but it's real
Don't be afraid, we'll make it out of this mess
It's a love story baby just say yes
Oh oh
I got tired of waiting
Wondering if you were ever coming around
My faith in you is fading
When I met you on the outskirts of town, and I said
Romeo save me I've been feeling so alone
I keep waiting for you but you never come
Is this in my head? I don't know what to think
He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring
And said, marry me Juliet
You'll never have to be alone
I love you and that's all I really know
I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress
It's a love story baby just say yes
Oh, oh, oh, oh
'Cause we were both young when I first saw you
listen to the song as well at the following link:)
http://mp3dl.co.cc/mp3/Taylor+Swift+-+Love+Story.mp3/
dizzyday....
dear diary,
i've been disappointed at the end of the day...no fruitful study, nothing to cherish.. indeed today was a wasteful day....nothing done at all..except for some fight n plans made. But yesterday was a great day (secret lies in here).
Yesterday i studied...dreamt...smiled for no reason, in short i remained happy but today "no expressions" nothing done to make world around me "beautiful". I started to teach my maid's daughter but mom denied..(huh). I really don't love to be selfish. i just want to have memories for life long...to smile when i'll sit on an easy chair in my lush green garden n my daughter asking me" what are you smiling at?"...and them i'll be the happiest one!!!
Well just to end with a great thought " i kept thinking today why did mom made me to stop teaching that girl" realised that there lies something good in every situation...may be there was something good for me. I'm happy now:)
*end*
i've been disappointed at the end of the day...no fruitful study, nothing to cherish.. indeed today was a wasteful day....nothing done at all..except for some fight n plans made. But yesterday was a great day (secret lies in here).
Yesterday i studied...dreamt...smiled for no reason, in short i remained happy but today "no expressions" nothing done to make world around me "beautiful". I started to teach my maid's daughter but mom denied..(huh). I really don't love to be selfish. i just want to have memories for life long...to smile when i'll sit on an easy chair in my lush green garden n my daughter asking me" what are you smiling at?"...and them i'll be the happiest one!!!
Well just to end with a great thought " i kept thinking today why did mom made me to stop teaching that girl" realised that there lies something good in every situation...may be there was something good for me. I'm happy now:)
*end*
Friday, January 15, 2010
great life....
dear diary
life's is going great. What to tell you??? Struggle and fun go hand in hand. Struggling to take permission from mum to participate in a dance competition and on other hand having fun wid friends on birthday party. Life's good being with friends, you have freedom of thought, freedom of showing your true selves, freedom of doing whatever u want to do n freedom to say what ur mind says.
i love being with my friends...they make me laugh, they make me what i am now. One thing is sure i'm not going to lose them. I attended a party yesterday...great fun...dint stop laughing at all, made some new friends and returned home light-hearted.
I love it, when my heart gives me surprises. I missed someone from the party after i came home...kept thinking "whys and hows" of the feeling i had. Later realized i-have-a -crush on someone. PLEASANT. After a long time i liked someone. hmmm.....well i do not intend to take this further but what if destiny has something else in its bag.
*end*
life's is going great. What to tell you??? Struggle and fun go hand in hand. Struggling to take permission from mum to participate in a dance competition and on other hand having fun wid friends on birthday party. Life's good being with friends, you have freedom of thought, freedom of showing your true selves, freedom of doing whatever u want to do n freedom to say what ur mind says.
i love being with my friends...they make me laugh, they make me what i am now. One thing is sure i'm not going to lose them. I attended a party yesterday...great fun...dint stop laughing at all, made some new friends and returned home light-hearted.
I love it, when my heart gives me surprises. I missed someone from the party after i came home...kept thinking "whys and hows" of the feeling i had. Later realized i-have-a -crush on someone. PLEASANT. After a long time i liked someone. hmmm.....well i do not intend to take this further but what if destiny has something else in its bag.
*end*
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
13th january 2010
dear diary,
new day new challenges...new experiences!!!! Somehow i can not control my life...I'm flowing with the stream. I know most people live their life the same way, but not many try to live the way they ever want to.
I heard from an acquaintance that I'm competitive. That was only a first impression, then i take a look inside and see that comments made on my "self" make me think "how-i-am"...! Well, this is why i think i can control a little...there is nothing called "my behavior", its all called "human behavior". Whatever i feel is not the person i am...but human behavior. I thought that i should share my experience and thoughts i encounter everyday...so here its all in written.
*end*
new day new challenges...new experiences!!!! Somehow i can not control my life...I'm flowing with the stream. I know most people live their life the same way, but not many try to live the way they ever want to.
I heard from an acquaintance that I'm competitive. That was only a first impression, then i take a look inside and see that comments made on my "self" make me think "how-i-am"...! Well, this is why i think i can control a little...there is nothing called "my behavior", its all called "human behavior". Whatever i feel is not the person i am...but human behavior. I thought that i should share my experience and thoughts i encounter everyday...so here its all in written.
*end*
Sunday, January 10, 2010
10th january 2010
dear diary,
life's miserable when viruses engulf a part of you...stop you from being independent. No!No! i'm talking about cold and cough....suffering from 48 long hours. Enough of medicines, teas, n coffees to keep me warm but the effect=ghanta. To add to the miserability i have an exam in a day or two...what to do????
but when i see as a spectator...i would admire the attention i'm getting these days *smiles*.
Story of everyday.....something miserable n something to cherish for life long. i live like conquering the world everyday.....winning and losing!!! everybody does...
I had a dream half hour ago....just a normal one, adding to my dreamworld another memorable future moment( i wish i live it)... I, went for dance auditions and showed up great moves that everybody was stunned....applause and selection....ha! dream u see what u want!!! A normal girl with her day-dreams:)
*end*
life's miserable when viruses engulf a part of you...stop you from being independent. No!No! i'm talking about cold and cough....suffering from 48 long hours. Enough of medicines, teas, n coffees to keep me warm but the effect=ghanta. To add to the miserability i have an exam in a day or two...what to do????
but when i see as a spectator...i would admire the attention i'm getting these days *smiles*.
Story of everyday.....something miserable n something to cherish for life long. i live like conquering the world everyday.....winning and losing!!! everybody does...
I had a dream half hour ago....just a normal one, adding to my dreamworld another memorable future moment( i wish i live it)... I, went for dance auditions and showed up great moves that everybody was stunned....applause and selection....ha! dream u see what u want!!! A normal girl with her day-dreams:)
*end*
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