Friday, March 13, 2015

Back to square one.five

Well, I thought i'd share stuff, publicly like this about my day to day life and experiences..you know, become a socializing freak or something, 'interaction is the key' and all that sorts of things, but I couldn't. I am a tough one for myself, it could have been good, my followers are few and it wouldn't harm much to tell a thing or two. I will try.
Kundera says that it is not the author's life that interests a reader but the book and its art, author's personal life is a distraction, its a folly, cumbersome curiosity that even reader don't understand. He talks only about art and his novels and other novels he had read. I love him.

In a nut-sack, I bought a telescope to observe sky, I learned to clean my face with CTM(cleanser, toner, moisturizer), and other methods of personal hygiene, I am interacting with people more than my capacity and letting them know that i'm cool with it, I am indifferent to much of it. Yesterday I confessed that i'm unusually upbeat which should be alright, but its not now.
I keep thinking about wanting to get lost in music, wanderlust grows and tinkles strange places.

I am sorry, I am lost now, I am sinking..  

Sunday, February 22, 2015

Only this can save me.

Long gone are the calm days and nights, its all panicky around here, howsoever I try, numbness crawls in and chaos in the background. I am as much aware of the world as the world is aware of me. If I speak, I am no one to, if I don't, I cannot. Each moment I spend, is costing me a moment I can't have back, I am not living, I am not moving ahead, everything is moving around me, its changing and aging. I don't know what to trust and whom to trust, if people wish to stay, they can but if they don't then whats to fear. Bloodied I feel from inside, that's a different kind of existence than blood in veins and muscles in the right places. I find myself melting and solidifying in a totally uncontrolled manner, every time I let something out which I certainly want to, I feel ashamed. Words are a misfit in this world, they are unpardonably limited. I am beginning to feel disgusted now, like it would keep happening to me. Am I going to live this utterly confused life, where I will never understand my fucked up self and where words like "right path" or "amazing" or "great" or "love" will continue to butcher me and rest of the words. Only this can save me, this out let, this disgusting form of defecating.

-knightesS