particularly its you !!

the reason for anxiousness is something i don't want to know, yes! today i confront unusual feelings...drastically new to me. Yar, what should i do?? This darn thing "affection" takes toll of me. It took me just one moment to bid goodbye and live here in ego alongside shattering myself everyday for just one answer. JUST-ONE-ANSWER. May be its nothing, may be that person is as cold as everyone but i just don't want to live this way.

here i rest in peace
nerves lie cold in need
thinking of you,
sinking in you
these lush green fields
this deep blue sky above
the breeze blowing my soul
reminds me of the eternal love
I'M IN YOU.
boundaries couldn't limit
the extent of its purity
millions of doubts
couldn't vanish my sense of surety
your absence is a spell
your presence too.

I envy those, You love
I deny I Love you
I want you to talk
I want you to walk
beside
hold my hand
i see this light
in your eye
You make me feel
important
I'm weird at things
when you're away
I wait for you
every single day.
I do not own you
neither i want to
I'M IN YOU
FOREVER.


You may conclude from this that i'm in love but this aint true. I'm in a state called "beyond love"...its lovely out here.

*ende*

conflict is dead

dragging myself away in the hindrances of non-subjectivity, i mean I'm letting myself go with my mind, so I'm kinda going off-track i.e. i had lived trusting my heart, always followed its order like mad but now I'm doing the opposite. I'm listening to my brains more than my heart. The conflict is dead, the ever revolting heart and the discouraging mind are paused. But at least today i know what i feel, worse is when you don't know what you feel (so today is a lucky day). Ummm...*pause*...a long one. Blank.....no pulse no beat no hope. Its just-breaking-a-habit symptom.

*end*

transformation

BELIEVE ME! I'm a woman and i know what a transformation means. I'm meant to be transformed into another person everyday. I am transformed today in a different way though. I had an outburst of emotions an hour ago, i cried my heart out...thought that people just don't understand and they just don't. But now its me who understood...sometimes I'm unable to express what my inner feel, i find it difficult to express myself but in brief I'm telling you...this soul in me has undergone drastic transformation. That cry gave me back the character i left behind in my past, i want to be something...I've found someone whose smile has become my sole motive for forthcoming life. This is no declaration, this is realization. The magic of world, the magic of the nature, the magic of my own. My view about blood relationships is positive and I'm still thinking about "the hour" of change.

*end*

i'm chasing pavements, even if it leads nowhere

I'm grateful to life. It has taught me things i shouldn't have learnt,but by some other's experiences. Today, i feel so fulfilled...I'm up, to having living my dreams. A bright sunny day, a cup of coffee and a nice book, sometimes with friends or sometimes alone...with ongoing disputes and sacrifices, i call it "perfect". I've everything, but adventure. To be precise...adventure of exploring the world, the people or access to do something on my own, getting injured and to wait for self-healing, to find a world within, to demolish things, and make new outta'em. I should be positive about life, I'm fortunate...I can negotiate with the life.

*end*

Beyond Love

From few days I've been thinking about many things..wondering about what ifs, hows and whys. Sometimes just look at the roadside while you are traveling, notice things and faces that you generally never do...see the smiles and tensions...shops and shouting vendors. Notice children non-plussed, new to the world...hoping to get as soon as to their homes so that they could go out and play:), their innocent expressions and body languages...these small wonders give a meaning to live. I am in love with the world these days, having wonderful people around me makes sun brighter.
I realized that love isn't with a person but within a person.We just need a trustworthy person to share it, therefore when we say that we're in love...we simply mean that we have found someone to share our love, kept for long in our hearts. Talking about the world beyond love, the word beyond holds a simple meaning in every sense. People content themselves with the purity and importance of being from just falling in love with some person, find another world in there...but they aren't able to go beyond love. Love is a gate to the world of sacrifices, compromises, to the world of happiness, pain and pleasure, to the world of total-freedom that you never earned being not in love. You can never "own" a person, if you do that you don't have much to boast about. Love is a divine feeling but beyond love you become divine.

My day was absolutely great until the evening, I didn't understand my own behavior , there was nothing to cry about...i did it, there was nothing to write down...i did it, there was nothing to think hard...i did it, there was no one to be blamed...i did it to myself, there was a lot to say...i said nothing. Supposedly at home i'm an insensitive human being to whom talking to friends is everything, i couldn't change myself this time, because i need them all the time...i know whats right and whats wrong but then at home nobody cares for what you know...they care for what you show. My close friend says that I'm over-reacting and deeply touched on non-sense arguments...but then i couldn't control the tears welling from my eyes. Sometimes i just ask myself that why they can't see me happy, why can't they trust me, why they keep yelling about the past...I'm in no hurry but every body at my dwelling is. I see no way out where everything just gets normal and loving. I'm living in a darn confusion.

*end*

you neva know

dramatic!!!....i know. Life always comes up with surprises. Surprises u can never expect...sometimes "sad" and sometimes "bewildering". You stand non-plussed in the situation you confront. You prove, you fail. You never prove, you enjoy being alive. (EXPERIENCE, you see). Free-willed people live longer. You can never satisfy the people around you, they will always advice you, never do they understand. Their tendencies are different...only you can enhance yourself.
Talking about things in personal...i have stopped proving things to others and i think I've become more positive with things i possess:) I worth my qualities...whatever they are!
More about life in real...i don't conclude things happening in my life as real...I'm hallucinated...more than ever. I don't know where am i???? This is just another place...a place so strange, plain...no color, no flora...nothing like "i-have-a-reason-to-live" feeling but this is with this real world too....i often question my self, whats the reason of my being, why am i living this aimless life..., never did want to make money or love, I'm just waiting for my last breath...making efforts to die peacefully. Is this all??? Is it going to get over in a matter of seconds??? No laughs, no smiles, no tears, no cursing will be able to stop me from dying. I day-dream about all the things i expect to happen but they never will happen. These feelings take toll of my thoughts...I'm not here, I'm somewhere else. I want to write, but can't think...if i want to think, i'm unable to write it down. This is something that never happens with me...stranger than ever...undiagnosed.

*end*

madness

is all whats on my mind now. Dreams on fire....higher and higher, passions burning bright on the pyre. I'm falling into the most beautiful but drowning sea of life(won't reveal here), but you all know what it is. Leave this to me...I'll handle it...its my state of mind..huh!!!

dragged i feel
want to scream
carved on stone
as i can see,
an new memory..
an untold love story
alive in me.
time doesn't heal
it just reveals
the state of our
heart...
eternally leashed.

i know, i know....there's no rhyming in it...it isn't a poem, these are just feelings of a heart in love, in love with its other part...in love with the divinity...in love with the flaws...purely in love. There ain't a person, I just felt it in the air...this weather soothes the deep bruises, in love with the springs. Several things are going on in my mind, my friend ain't in good mood...she feels that i ignore her. Unknowingly, but i did it. How can i expect everybody to understand me every time??...this isn't fair. I shouldn't have expected so much. I should have given her time...i should have payed attention. **REGRETS**...but then i called her to accept my mistake and say sorry, she just said " don't just let other people miss you so much, that they make it a habit and learn to live without you", but hated it then...now i realise it was a true feeling. **I AM SORRY**.

Judging isn't right, you never know...what the other person intends to tell you and you just lead the conversation to a drastic end. This is the time when you have to just listen and smile...you'll be loved:)

Sharing is the best possible asset that a person can attain...it be countable or uncountable. I share my beliefs and griefs via this blog. I love doing it.

*end*

vroom-vroom

Life's on track again. Have heard this many times...when a vehicle starts and speeds up. Fortunately, theres a good news, "I'm happy". Many reasons for this, first...got something that was least expected(a reply!!), second..."mona", laughed entire day with everyone but specially her:), and last but not the least..."dance". The day got brighter towards the end...sun shone over the fields...beauty! Nature reflected the best imaginations i could have, those green fields spreads....magic-like. Ahem! I love this weather. I think this is beyond any reason to be happy. It makes you feel that way unexpectedly.

There's one thing I've been thinking hard, since one two three four and five days....that "i talk about myself a lot"...this isn't good. This shouldn't be done. I'm not at all agreeing to this personality trait. Talking about self should be reserved...but not listening about self. But anyways, at the end of the day I've no regrets...because this is only way people will know me:)

*end*

daily drama of my life ;)

this is something that happens almost everyday. Someone always watching me having his girlfriend by his side....can't handle this(so unfair). I know he liked me in the starting...but "this" isn't good at all...to today i felt like telling him what to do, but didn't(as usual...keeping things to myself). Problem ends if i stop thinking about it.
Apart from this, kept waiting for someone's call, kept finding time for myself, kept managing dance and friends,kept smiling all along just thinking that "aal iz welll" got a hand-muscle-sprain, eyes drowsing and brain browsing. What else?? Huh??
There are few smiles and eye-encounters that make half of your life worthy, sun seems bright more than ever and the butterflies in your stomach...unusual. Gather them, they never get rotten...they motivate the next step...provide you with a different perspective. I've found one:)

*end*

the architect

its not about a profession but a creation, a creation of you and me...! That almighty is a divine architect. It created you and me. There's this short mythological story in the novel i'm reading these days (...11 minutes):

The thinker says that initially GOD created a creature, which had four different legs, two faces, different reproductive organs and two different parts of its brain (supposedly man and a woman joint adjacently). Then there's this "Zeus" who lived on some other planet got jealous of the creature created by GOD (reason of envy: efficiency in progress in the working of the world and no "will and would"). So "Zeus" designed a conspiracy and got them separated.
Since then each part has desperation n desire to embrace the other part. ***LOVE***

Therefore we talk about "soul mates" like Romeo-Juliet's. Some of the other or both parts die alone...craving for the other for the whole life...and this is why everybody say that there is one made for each...but you can know "one" in just one sight....(I'm a believer of true love)...no offense!

Think hard...isn't this relates to you in every way...!!! You ain't feel powerful....you motivate your-self when you meet a wrong part(u crave u grave but yet save, a tear to be dropped when you'll just embrace the love of your life). Dreams, they entangle me...a comfortable web though. Someone told me that i, not remain always in me...keep oscillating between my world and your world. TRUE! very true...some people just know evry heart beat of you. Will continue later.

*end*