when eyes perceive...

Two months of Pyrrhic, its hard to make a decision. Don't know anything, it aches in my head like fear of nothingness of my being. I'm imprisoned, barred of living like me. I'm stabbed and expected to feel nothing, was expected to be 'happy ever after', tragically I'll be 'happy never after'. Or I'm just living a lie, am i lying to myself but everyone? Amidst a group, my eyes stop seeing, its all blurred...24*7 anger and irritation, of not finding a way out. I feel inferior to my own self, way I've degraded my presence in this world..no one else could do that, after few years I'll be lost forever in the web of family who wouldn't consider me theirs' and to my parents I'd be 'over' . I've agreed to all that was expected of me, because it would be a good thing to obey. And soon this passion for 'writing' would evanescent like it never existed...and I'm gonna consider it a foolish-dream of my hand to write another story of a woman. My eyes could perceive what my mind is trying to ignore, how can i lie to my heart....i was fucking busy, listening to it all these years. But, mind's gonna over-rule the dream part of me, it would vaporize and they'd say 'we're proud of you'. 

*ende* (totally)